The record books
Records
The club's records, from the biggest wins to the longest runs.
Team
Biggest win10–0
v Spudos · 8 May 2025
Heaviest defeat1–16
v Monaco Goalkickers · 13 Oct 2026
Highest-scoring match23 goals
7–16 v Old Ivy · 7 May 2026
Most goals scored11
11–5 v Corsicans FC · 6 Oct 2026
Most goals conceded16
1–16 v Monaco Goalkickers · 13 Oct 2026
Best seasonSeason 2
1.13 points a game · won 3, drew 0, lost 5
Toughest seasonSeason 3
0.31 points a game · won 1, drew 1, lost 11
Runs
Current run · 1 defeat
Longest winning run2 matches
19 Dec 2024 – 9 Jan 2025
Longest unbeaten run2 matches
19 Dec 2024 – 9 Jan 2025
Longest losing run7 matches
19 Jun 2025 – 7 Aug 2025
Longest winless run12 matches
15 May 2025 – 7 Aug 2025
Players
Most goals in a match6
Ahmed v Corsicans FC
Hat-tricks9
by 4 players
Hat-tricks
Three or more in a match
| Player | Goals | Match |
|---|---|---|
| Ahmed | 6 | 11–5 v Corsicans FC6 Oct 2026 |
 Seb Burgess | 5 | 7–16 v Old Ivy7 May 2026 |
| Seb Burgess | 5 | 5–1 v Spudos11 Sep 2025 |
| Eddie McLaughlin | 4 | 10–5 v Not Very Often5 Feb 2026 |
| Seb Burgess | 4 | 10–5 v Not Very Often5 Feb 2026 |
 Max Cobain | 3 | 7–7 v Heavy MWEtal Football22 Sep 2026 |
| Seb Burgess | 3 | 7–7 v Heavy MWEtal Football22 Sep 2026 |
| Seb Burgess | 3 | 5–7 v Spartak High Press, Low Standards1 Sep 2026 |
| Ahmed | 3 | 4–6 v The Britannias30 Jul 2026 |
Ever-presents
Played every match of a season
| Player | Season | Matches |
|---|---|---|
 Phil Knott | Season 1Sep–Nov 2024 | 10 |
| Seb Burgess | Season 4Jul–Oct 2025 | 11 |
| Mark Pellowe | Season 7May–Aug 2026 | 11 |